Collateral Damage
I find myself tired of being collateral damage. Damaged by an institution which claims glory rather than expresses humility. I'm tired of feeling as though I'm being corralled by a hired hands who choose to use a heavy rod on the sheep of the King's flock, Rather than feeling the ointment of love and wisdom which pours forth like oil from the shepherds of his field.
I tire in a place of knowing that I'm called to be a part of the Lord's flock, but I find in the waning grasps that the Rope is ending. A rope which offers two solutions. This rope could be used to fully hang this sheep in a manner that allows it to be gutted and cleaned. Leaving nothing that desires or resembles life. The other solution appears to be to let go completely of that rope and fall into the abyss of what is unknown. All though it appears unknown, it is not unknowable. Though light it seems dark due to intensity of what rises from below.
So, I'll Let Bernard finish.
beyond broken
I tire in a place of knowing that I'm called to be a part of the Lord's flock, but I find in the waning grasps that the Rope is ending. A rope which offers two solutions. This rope could be used to fully hang this sheep in a manner that allows it to be gutted and cleaned. Leaving nothing that desires or resembles life. The other solution appears to be to let go completely of that rope and fall into the abyss of what is unknown. All though it appears unknown, it is not unknowable. Though light it seems dark due to intensity of what rises from below.
So, I'll Let Bernard finish.
Write what you will, I shall not relish it unless it tells of Jesus. Talk or argue about what you will, I shall not relish it if you exclude the name of Jesus. Jesus to me is honey in the mouth, music in the ear, a song in the heart.
beyond broken
2 Comments:
When I was 30 I was where you seem to be now...a serious and devout Christian who was painfully disillusioned with the church. So I left it, turned away from God, became an atheist and struggled for a long time. I really hated and trashed Christians, the church and the political aspects of Christianity. I couldn't walk into a Christian bookstore without feeling sick. I was extremely liberal...and I don't use that in a derogatory way (: My new liberal friends were spiritual and truly loving people...as you mention, most of my non-Christian friends are still more loving and accepting than the Christians I often meet.
But God didn't let go of me. Last summer he called out to me through a Christian friend's Light and broke my heart. My experience was a lot like what happened to Paul and, boy, was it painful because of my resistance. When I submitted to Christ my life suddenly completely shifted. He changed me inside...I'm a different person by his grace and the Holy Spirit. It's so weird I know for sure it's true. I believe and have no doubts not by my hand or mind but by God's grace.
So maybe you need to take the long, hard journey...let go of the rope. I've done it. I tried to live and love rationally. It was all dust and I was left starving and thirsting for the food I had known before...the body of Christ and His living water. My advice is don't waste precious years of your life.
My relationship with God/Christ/Spirit sustains me even if I am shunned... and I will be shunned by those who fear change because I won't compromise what God is teaching me. I also don't feel "the modern church", for the most part, is teaching the truth...your thoughts are right on...but I am still choosing to remain in community. That's my greatest challenge but I feel that is where I should be. I'm not always fed there but that is not my purpose in community. I've been thinking lately maybe my purpose in community is to learn how to truly love with a sacred heart...an unrequited and holy love. That's Christ's love. God bless you for your honesty.
test from angela
Post a Comment
<< Home