The excessive multiplication of vocal prayers (even aside from times of mental prayer) can likewise impede growth. There are people who get into a set habit of adding litany upon litany, devotion upon devotion, to the point where they leave little or no time for God to give what he wants to give. They do not understand contemplation, and they think that unless they are vocalizing, they are not praying.
-Thomas Dubay
Ever since I began my Journey with Jesus Christ I have been curious and at time discouraged by corporate prayer. In my journey, prayer has become more like an inner conversation that is sometimes full of words, sometimes dull and sometimes even bringing forth those "awkward" silences. Over the past few years those awkwards silences have grown into a deep heartbeat. A heartbeat that needs no words. A heartbeat that needs no lively chatter. A heartbeat that enjoys just being still and knowing that I am one with God. Knowing that he is my maker, my father, my lover and my friend.
I picked up a book by Thomas Dubay called "
Fire Within". It's a book which takes the writings of St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross and expounds, clarifies and encourages the everyday follower of The Way to embrace the contemplative journey that these two Saints of the church so gracefully did in their day.
I came across the quote above in a section where Thomas is talking of the 4th mansion which is where the infused prayer begins to happen. The mansions are a Teresian concept and from my first reading they appear to be concentric circles each stepping deeper into the heart where the trinitarian God dwells within us.
I don't ever want to hurt someone by making mention of prayer styles, but since the web allows some anonymity to you the reader, I will mention some things I have observed which I think fall into the pratice of what Teresa is bringing out in this quote. No stones, just love!
It has happened almost consistantly that when I go to a meeting where prayer is the topic, we will give forth our supplication and even mention that we are gathered to hear from the Lord. People will start off with structured, Opening, Body and closing style prayers. Some will repeat statements such as Father God and Lord over and over almost as if to replace the typical "um" which so often appears in public speeches of those who are not seasoned speakers. Topics will be repeated, statements will be thrown about with what appears to be lack of conviction, but who am I too judge!
I sometimes feel prompted to speak scripture and will do so but mostly I feel led to silence. Not an apathetic or passive silence, but a silence which is active. Actively listening both to my brothers and sisters and the Lord for guidance and possibly insight into the requests that are being made.
these times of prayer will go on for about 15 minutes and then it gets quiet. Knees start to bounce (Yes I know they do because I often don't close my eyes in prayer), those who don't like to pray aloud start to fear that they need too since everyone else has, others may bring forth that request that wasn't mentioned so that we don't forget anything. There is a moment just after this restlessness where the tension subsides. I find at that moment when the silence becomes less tense I start to engage my heart and begin to recognize the beauty of the Lord. I begin to notice his embrace. I hear his voice, not always in words but definately in presence. then out of the silence come the "person" who was asked to close the prayer time out, which is way to soon for I am just beginning to enjoy our time with the Lord. Quickly I am quenched and the time ends.
There is a part of me that wants to shout out, "NO! just wait, be patient! Listen! Our creator is coming up out of the wilderness bringing forth his Grace and Love!". But I don't because I always feel that I will make someone uncomfortable and possibly cause a major distraction. So I remain silent, most of the times laying on the floor with my eyes closed. Hoping, wanting that touch!
But anyways, I feel like that just at the moment we are getting to the point of being still and being in a place of receiving we stop short, as george castanza's father would say, and miss what it is the bridegroom is bringing to us in that moment.
I've come to a realization that Solitude and Contemplation are life lines for us on this journey. They bring us the sweet touch and kiss of the Lord as well as produce the following items which Teresa so gracefully spells out:
Begin to loose the craving for worldly things...
God gives a strong desire to grow in prayer and the resolve not to abandon it no matter what trials may arise...
all servile fear disappears...
one's love for God has much less self-interest...
a need for prayerful solitude makes itself felt...
a dilation or inner freedom of soul brings about less constraint in serving God...
an oppressive fear of hell disappears, and a firm confidence of eventual fruition of the Lord takes place...
a more lively faith begets a desire for penance and a dimunition of fear of suffering...
So I find my perplexed journey in this blessing, not to be in vain, but as a predestined perplexity which would bring forth a better understanding of what the Lord desires for us. My hope is that I can help others escape into the beauty of the Lord. Draw them out of the christian rat race, which has been so much influenced by the regular rat race and, by being the voice in the wilderness calling them to come and join me at the feet of Jesus!
Only one thing is necessary - Jesus